Your source for all things love and romance is here. Ask Tori is the weekly advice column for USF students, as answered by Tori Hunt. To be featured in next week’s column email email@example.com or submit a question on AskFm @asktorifoghorn.
I recently found out that my best friend hooked up with someone. I’m hurt that he told our other friends about it and specifically kept it from me. On top of that, one of his friends said they had “bro talk” and my best friend lowkey admitted his feels for me to his friends without flat out saying it. I brushed it away, because bruh…. no way he’d like me more than a best friend. Besides, I have a boyfriend and they’re pretty close too. It’d just be wrong to ignore it…wouldn’t it? I don’t know what to do. My best friend’s away in the Army, but it’s eating me up, especially since I keep watching old videos and realized he’s been flirting with me.
Dear Stuck Between a Friend and a Hard Place,
What you’re going through can feel confusing and tug you into multiple directions. When a friend wants to to become ~more than a friend~, it feels like everything changes. And by the sounds of your best friend, it seems like he isn’t helping the situation. He doesn’t want to tell you he hooked up with someone else, in fear you wouldn’t like him romantically. Yet he still doesn’t admit his feelings because he knows you have a boyfriend, who he’s friends with. No wonder you’re confused! From this point of view, it seems like he’s trying to be respectful of you and your current relationship by keeping his feelings to himself. On the other hand, telling all your friends, then telling them not to tell you is a pretty lousy move on his part. It creates a rift between you and your friends and secrets in any capacity are a sure-fire way to cause tension in all relationships. I know he’s away in the Army, but if there is a way you can contact him you should. Try to have a good talk with him. Explain how you felt excluded and treated like the fool. Respect that he has feelings for you, but inform him that he wasn’t respecting you nor your boyfriend by keeping secrets. Remember to give him time to move around his emotions and feelings for you before you jump back into being best friends. Acting like nothing has changed may send him the wrong message. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find the confidence to share your feelings.