I am wearing Sky Madden’s clothes right now. The outfit consists of a pair of Cheap Monday skinny jeans that Sky purchased when the brand was first manufactured from the store Rivetts in Seattle. Around the jeans is a leather belt with a large silver square buckle by Guess. I am wearing Sky’s bright orange scoop neck T-shirt that has an image of two women kissing on it. “My dad bought it for me as a way to show he accepts my sexuality,” Sky said. Over the shirt I am wearing Sky’s pleather/nylon/we-are-not-quite-sure-what-this-material-is black zip-up hoodie. Sky mumbles with great restraint that the jacket is from American Apparel. Pinned to the shirt is a small button of a kitten exposing her vagina. It’s part of Jess Labrador’s Zine “Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Sex Between Cats and Dogs.” Around my neck is Sky’s necklace that she found in a theatre where she projects movies back home. It has some sort of religious figure. She wears it whenever she flies. On my finger is a silver band that was a previous engagement ring. What makes this outfit complete and most uncomfortable for me to wear are the Air Force Nike’s. They are big chunks of Marty McFly madness inspired by the Yelle video “A Cause de Garcon.”
These jeans are burning my hips and the fly won’t even zip up all the way. When I was first putting them on I told Sky, “These are never going to zip.” She reassured me that once you button the top, the zipper will find its way up. I hate the shirt I am wearing. I don’t look good in orange and I’m not keen on wearing shirts that require wearing bras. I usually opt for loose fitting v-necks or huge sweaters. I feel entirely exposed in this tight shirt, especially considering I am pairing it with tight jeans. These pants are squeezing my stomach over the edge and I feel like my stomach rolls are prominently on display. These jeans aren’t even high-waisted. Oh lord. And the shoes. I can’t get over how Marty McFly these shoes are. I run into my Feature Writing class dancing and singing Huey Lewis and the News, it can’t be helped.
I feel ugly in this outfit. I walk into Kalmanovitz and see a guy I sit next to in my Modern African History course. He smiles politely and I immediately say, “It’s an experiment!” I don’t even think he realized I was wearing anything out of the ordinary, but I didn’t want him or anyone to think for one second that I would willingly choose to dress this way. I walk by the library and run into my roommate, Catherine Connor-Moore. “You’re wearing pants!” she yells at me. Then she runs off to class before I can fully explain myself.
My mom also stopped by school today, but she didn’t even comment on my outfit. She just pointed out the hickey on my neck (Yeah, I know, it’s embarrassing) but I explained that I was just trying to fully immerse myself in the Sky character. Sky herself admits that hickeys are accessories she wears often.
I can’t wait to remove this outfit and it makes me realize why I dress the ultra-feminine, often just plain crazy, way I do. It’s because I am an entirely self-conscious person. I depend on clothes as a mask in many ways. My clothes will distract people from my true self that I am not entirely secure with exposing. I won’t get too deep on this subject because I do have a Foghorn word limit that I am well over at this point, but I will say that wearing pretty dresses makes me feel confident, and in Sky’s outfit (which by the way she wears with such attitude and grace) I feel wretched.