ARIES — March 21 to April 19

Try not to fight anyone. People are just trying to enjoy themselves. 

TAURUS — April 20 to May 20

You’re either going to spend the entire day in bed or drop $5,000 by the end of the night. Choose wisely. 

GEMINI — May 21 to June 20

Please stop falling in love with 50 people at once. Not a prediction, just a plea. 

CANCER — June 21 to July 22

Get out of your feelings. They’re not going to text you. 

LEO — July 23 to August 22 

Hope you and your mirror have a fun date! 

VIRGO — August 23 to September 22

Your partner/friends will love the 50-step date you’ve planned. Enjoy! 

LIBRA — September 23 to October 22

For everyone else’s sake, please break that indecisive streak — it’s time to figure out what you want.  

SCORPIO — October 23 to November 21

You deserve all the chocolate and gifts the undercaf has to offer. 

Disclaimer: The writer of this piece is a Scorpio. 

SAGITTARIUS — November 22 to December 21

You’re going to cause some chaos and revel in it. 

CAPRICORN — December 22 to January 19

Try not to bore whoever you end up spending the day with. 

AQUARIUS — January 20 to February 18

You’ll get nothing. 

PISCES — February 19 to March 20

Remember that your romantic interest is a real person and not a character from the rom-com you’ve created in your head.


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