ARIES — March 21 to April 19
Try not to fight anyone. People are just trying to enjoy themselves.
TAURUS — April 20 to May 20
You’re either going to spend the entire day in bed or drop $5,000 by the end of the night. Choose wisely.
GEMINI — May 21 to June 20
Please stop falling in love with 50 people at once. Not a prediction, just a plea.
CANCER — June 21 to July 22
Get out of your feelings. They’re not going to text you.
LEO — July 23 to August 22
Hope you and your mirror have a fun date!
VIRGO — August 23 to September 22
Your partner/friends will love the 50-step date you’ve planned. Enjoy!
LIBRA — September 23 to October 22
For everyone else’s sake, please break that indecisive streak — it’s time to figure out what you want.
SCORPIO — October 23 to November 21
You deserve all the chocolate and gifts the undercaf has to offer.
Disclaimer: The writer of this piece is a Scorpio.
SAGITTARIUS — November 22 to December 21
You’re going to cause some chaos and revel in it.
CAPRICORN — December 22 to January 19
Try not to bore whoever you end up spending the day with.
AQUARIUS — January 20 to February 18
You’ll get nothing.
PISCES — February 19 to March 20
Remember that your romantic interest is a real person and not a character from the rom-com you’ve created in your head.