Mr. Gingrich, the Moon Conqueror

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There are several issues that plague this great country of ours: those of healthcare, abortion, the war on terror, Jacob vs. Edward. These have and will continue to divide us as a nation. It is time to choose a great leader to save us.

I’ve dreamt of the second coming of Ronald Reagan since before Reagan left office. Now there’s a chance to regain this lost glory. For a brief period of time, Rick Perry started to come out of Reagan’s shadow, but then he spoke—or didn’t speak, I can’t remember —about the issues that were important to him. Oops.
Trump? Classy man, but no. Cain? Hardly. Santorum? Google it. Paul? Too crazy. Romney? A little closer. Gingrich? A little, little closer.

But what if there were a way to combine the best of the latter candidates? We could call it “Mewt”. Those two together could be unstoppable! Together they have already solved a true crisis: the very poor.

Romney’s views about the very poor make him almost the perfect Republican candidate. During a CNN interview, he said, “I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it.” What is that safety net? How do you “fix” it? Continuous funding cuts? That idea is already being used to “fix” public education.

Enter the second half of the perfect Reagan: former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. Newt is full of great ideas to fix every issue. He also has that sense of pride that Mitt lacks at times. Take for example Newt’s comments about a moon colony that will be built before the end of his second term. “We will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American.” Isn’t that Ron Paul crazy talk (perhaps even crazier talk)?

No.

Ron Paul won’t campaign on the promise of an immediate post-election conflict with Iran. Now, that’s crazy talk.

The moon colony would solve so many of our issues. Take the billions of dollars currently invested in helping the poor and apply that to the moon program. Raise the taxes on the middle-class and invest that money in the moon program as well. We must also be sure to save plenty for current conflicts and future moon “conflicts”, or we could just raise the debt ceiling several times without the glamour like August 2010 (we would have a Republican president this time, remember?) and borrow even more money. Once completed, the moon colony will represent everything great about America: the dream, the drive, the hard-work (naturally outsourced to Mexico, China or India) and the realization that no dream is crazy (with Mr. Paul’s dreams being the exception, of course.)

Once the moon colony is built, then what? The American flag is planted for the entire space-world to see. And who becomes the moon’s first citizens? Poor folk. We ship them out to the new world. Soon America will no longer have to deal with the poor kind. After hundreds of years, they can petition to become our 51st state.

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