Standing outside your lover’s window with a boombox, confessing your undying affection to a forbidden crush and having a meet-cute in a cafe are all classic plot points of romantic comedy movies and act as our modern example of love in the mainstream media. There are many examples within the media today of overly-exaggerated or unrealistic relationships that could inform people’s ideas of what should be expected from a romantic partner, whether that be modeling good or bad behavior. While the media we consume like movies and TV shows influence our ideas of love and belonging, it is not absolute and up to the audience to recognize these distortions of reality and develop healthy and realistic expectations of romantic relationships.
While the media consistently promotes idealized versions of relationships, especially on channels such as Hallmark, its influence depends on both repeated exposure and individual susceptibility to the content being consumed. Cultivation Theory suggests that the more we consume certain types of media, the more likely we are to internalize the messages they present as reality. In the context of relationships, this often means adopting beliefs rooted in romanticized storytelling, like the idea of soulmates, love at first sight or that relationships are either “meant to be” or not. Research on Hallmark movie viewers, for example, found that frequent exposure to these narratives is associated with stronger endorsement of these idealized beliefs of love and romance. However, the media does not affect everyone in the same way.
The Differential Susceptibility to Media Effects Model explains that factors like personality, age and social environment influence how individuals interpret and absorb media. For instance, people with a more insecure attachment style may be more likely to seek out and internalize romantic media because it reinforces their existing beliefs about relationships. While the media plays a significant role in shaping expectations, its impact ultimately varies depending on who is consuming it and how they are internalizing it.
These ideals driven by media portrayals, can create expectations that real relationships struggle to meet. When love is consistently portrayed as intense, effortless or meeting a partner is perfectly timed, it can make normal relationship challenges feel like signs that something is going wrong. People may expect grand gestures, constant excitement or emotional perfection from their partners that are standards often rooted more in storytelling than reality. This pressure is amplified for Generation Z, where constant digital communication has become normalized, with many people in relationships expecting to hear from their partner daily or even hourly. As a result, when real relationships involve miscommunication, delayed responses or conflict, they can feel disappointing in comparison to what people see depicted in movies or television. This disconnect between media depiction and real life can lead to frustration and even self-doubt, as people question whether their relationship measures up to what they see depicted on screen.
Media literacy offers a solution to navigating these unrealistic portrayals of romance and preventing them from shaping expectations in harmful ways. Being aware of the patterns and tropes that often appear in romantic media, like the idea of “love at first sight” or relationships devoid of conflict, allows people to separate fiction from reality. We must critically engage with media to recognize when romantic expectations are rooted in tropes or genre conventions (which serve to market and sell the film) rather than real-life experience; in this way, people can begin to challenge assumptions made from media depictions. In doing so, people can focus more on communication, compatibility and growth within their relationships, rather than trying to replicate what they see being depicted most often.
Ultimately, the relationships we see in media, from grand romantic gestures to perfectly timed connections, often in romantic comedies, are compelling because they simplify love and connection into something easy to understand and aspire to. However, when these portrayals are taken as standards rather than stories, they can distort how people approach real relationships, setting expectations that are difficult, if not impossible, to meet. Recognizing that these depictions are fictional narratives, not reflections of everyday life, enables people to approach their own relationships with more understanding and realism. People should define love through their own experiences, grounded in communication, effort and mutual understanding. The media should not dictate what relationships should look or feel like, it should act as a form of entertainment to enjoy, not something to imitate.
