Code Red #1
The café is closes for no reason.…again: There is nothing students hate more than having to use “real money” rather than Flexi on food, so it’s a real crisis when this happens.
Solution:
Get all of your hungry friends together and order from sites like grubhub.com, delivery.com and eat24.com that have cheap, yummy and did I mention CHEAP solutions for when there is no food to be found. Free delivery to campus and the option to pay online makes this a relatively quick fix.
Disaster #2
You are already late to class and the printers in the library aren’t working: panic, panic, panic. Lucky for you there are hoards of rarely used computer labs stashed all around campus.
Solution:
Hint: There is one next to Parina Lounge, one underneath the Rossi Wing on Lone Mountain and some on the third and fourth floors of Cowell Hall. Grab your I.D. card and sprint to one of the places mentioned above for a more reliable printing experience. You’re already tardy, so what’s another 5 minutes? At least you’ll have the assignment instead of a lame excuse.
Catastrophe #3
You are within 6 blocks of campus at night and are too lazy to walk back (Who isn’t this lazy? Obviously you haven’t been in college for long if you enjoy walking up the Lone Mountain stairs).
Solution:
Call Public Safety for an escort. This is one phone number that is worth saving in your phone: (415) 422-4201. All the drivers are super chill and it is amazingly easy. Plus, they can pick up multiple people and take you all at once. Just don’t call too often because it really is intended for people who do not feel safe walking back to campus.
Horror #4
Yesterday was sunny and today is definitely not.
Solution:
Get yourself a pair of rain boots. This is San Francisco guys,come on. Our weather is as twisted as one of Whoopi Goldberg’s dreadlocks. Accept the fact that every day is light sweater weather and start buying jackets with hoods. Problem solved.
Nightmare #5
You’re out on a Friday night and run into your economics professor… Mr. “OMG. I can’t remember his name. What is it? What isssssss it?!”
Solution:
Avoid direct eye contact at ALL costs. This is one time where pretending you are deeply committed to your friend’s conversation about the best types of pizza is the way to go. Nothing is more awkward than seeing a professor you barely remember outside their natural habitat.
If the situation can’t be avoided smile, nod and chew it over with Twix or whatever else is in reach.
Editor-in-Chief: Heather Spellacy
Chief Copy-Editor: Burke McSwain
Scene Editor: Tamar Kuyumjian
