From the Zodiac to Myers-Briggs, to Buzzfeed Quizzes asking “What type of bread are you?” we seek out, however small, a piece of ourselves we can clearly see and be sure of; something that we can share with others: “I’m a Leo too!” “I have the same personality type as Zendaya!” Additionally, there’s this idea that who you surround yourself with speaks strongly to who you are. Is this because we inherently search for friendships with those similar to us to subconsciously validate our own traits? Or is it a simple matter of kinship?
There have long been theories surrounding the self, bringing about fears regarding the tragedy of being, and the threatening loss of one’s self. To be quite sure we are in fact in possession of our being, we must be able to recognize it. Now Plato would argue, in his four madnesses, the burden of self and why people want to lose the self in the first place. We are too afraid to surrender to mortality but it is that very thing that makes us so miserable. The fear of being temporary and the greater fear of death while simultaneously having life itself being the very thing that causes struggle in the first place: school, work, loss, heartbreak, etc. But it is perhaps pain that makes us most aware of ourselves. As a child we learn we are a being separate from all the world, that our aches and pains are entirely our own. Even worse, as we grow older, we learn that no one can ever truly understand us. There is no singular and universal experience to being human, not in the ways we feel or think or come to understand our how and why.
Our own person makes us anxious, some may say that’s why we may lose ourselves. I might argue that’s what makes us so desperate for companionship. We magnify ourselves and our qualities, in a state so hyperaware that we can’t stand it. But in another person, where it’s kindred, where you are not so conscious of your own traits, it may be endearing. The more cultivated or repressed an individual may be, then the more we need some sort of method to channel or release the parts of us we work so hard to conceal. Our existence is entirely by accident, but surely our souls are tied to something of divine purpose? Surely, the strength of the many speaks to the power of the individual?
In the digital era, media in any form is unavoidable. From advertisements about shampoo that leaves users with a “wow” look, movies that critics say are must-sees, books in celebrity book clubs, working together to socially condition you to care about the opinion of people that you don’t even know. The verified account with picturesque feeds indicating that there is a definitive quality to this person. How can we assign ourselves a sense of closeness to the sea of people that we blur into? Maybe we don’t need thousands of followers or famous accolades to prove it. Perhaps there is a quieter and even more personal link between us, within it one can find an understanding or mirror of themself. We ask, where do I fit into all of this? We are so desperate for something to cling to, something to say “This is who I am!” We are desperate for an identity. These two desires may not only coexist but go hand in hand.
At the surface this may all very well appear superficial and lacking any real substance. However, there is still an undeniable and universal truth about the state of being human, which is that intimacy, in either its intellectual, emotional or other form is a human need. Is there anything more intimate than truly knowing or understanding something? We can see ourselves in each other, a kindred spirit if you will, and suddenly we are less alone. Maybe it’s because I can know you better for how I have come to understand myself, or I can know myself better for how I have come to understand you. We see the world the same way and enjoy it for the same reasons. All the randomness of it, us both being fire signs, of us both somehow being introverted, only makes it that much more sweet that we are friends.
